my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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