Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
