Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
In America we eat man semen.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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