peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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