No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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