taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
