he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
