I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
