my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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