so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
