you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
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That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
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Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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