need another drink. this is the easiest way
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
