Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
