Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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