This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
