remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
