my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
