I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize