I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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