You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
