i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
