Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
