just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.