How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy