some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
