Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
