nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
