I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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