Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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