i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
