Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
