3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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