what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
