We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
