I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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