be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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