This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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