Apparently you make a good broom.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize