i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
