there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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