tell your sister to shave her snatch
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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