Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
