I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
