I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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