she woke up with a sticky ear
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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