i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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