I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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