is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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