I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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