Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
