I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
