I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
