It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
birth control should be required to get into college
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
