So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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