therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
