Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
