if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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