sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
