The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
