maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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