hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
