hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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