if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize