I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
