I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
