I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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