hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
