he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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