So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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